Thursday, June 21, 2007

John Likes Grass... the blue kind.

Ok, so last weekend my lovely lady and I took our Dads up into the mountains for Fathers Day. We thought it'd be a nice relaxing getaway for them, with each of their oldest offspring. What mountains, you say?! Why the Poconos, of course! You know... the place where you can't walk 5 feet without bumping into a beer distibutor or a cheap mini-golf course. Oh, and yes, terrorists train there sometimes...

Anyway, great weekend. We took up the coon hound, some beers, a little meat, a few lawn chairs... I know it sounds like the prop list from 'Deliverance' but hey, it's the bare essentials up there! All that was missing was a banjo. Well... did we ever stumble upon the mecca of banjos- a freakin Bluegrass Festival! That's right, pack your plaid and leave the earplugs at home. And don't you dare forget your cooler! We's a goin' to the Great Pocono Bluegrass Festival, nah.

Well, we went, and who do you think I stumbled upon there? Go ahead... just guess...

Bela Fleck?! Nope. Lindsay Buckingham? Uh uh. The cast of Good Times?! Pfff.

Well, here's a hint...

Still like "Wha?! Intern Dave, you crazy. What the crap are you talkin about??"

OK. Let's zoom up a bit on the action... maybe you were distracted by Mount Fest (which, unfortunately, wasn't what you think)

NOW look!

You see?! Caught red-handed! Yes, that's him. JDB himself, the purveyor of classic rock- on a freakin upright bass, playin' a bluegrass festival! Are you freakin out like I was?!

No, I was not hallucinating (even though it does say grass fest behind him). The camera does not lie!

You still need further proof?! Hey. Whatever. Case is closed after this one... when you wake up tomorrow and hear "Dueling Banjos" instead of "Night Moves" don't say I didn't warn you!

Cover blown:

Notice the coloration of cheeks, due to the knowledge that his secret life of banjo-loving, upright bass slapping and Yee-haw yellin' days were now exposed! That's what he gets for making me drink toilet water. Intern revenge, at its finest. I rest my case.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


Well one thing's for sure, in radio, sickness abounds. Yes, in more ways than one, and yup, in that five-people-herded-into-the-same-small-studio kinda way. John was feeling the heat (or rather the cold) today, as I was last week. Go Go was sick before that, but that's just cause he quit coffee. Jen was sick too. I think. Wait... No, she just got pissed cause John said size 14 was fat. And that giant?! Ha! Well... he just likes to see sick. As in, me do things... that are sick. So then he can laugh. At me. A-hole.

But honestly, holy God I was weezin, sneezin and everything in ...betweezin last week. Pfff. Did I just write that? I did. Ok. Go ahead, Snoop, just... take it. Anyway, my allergies have been worse than ever this year. And we dont have many tissues in our apartment, if any. Do Downey rolls count? I don't think you start buying tissues til you have kids. So all last week I was just sending massive torrents of micro-spray into the apartment atmosphere. Picture a Skittles commercial, only replace the rainbow shower with my mucus. That was my Northeast habitat last week.

Are you enjoying this, Brian?! Hope so, buddy!

So yes, it's been rough... but we don't take any crap from anybody- including our noses! So I been takin my multi-vitamin, a lil Sudafed, a lil more Sudafed... some Benadryl... you know, just being mindful and responsible about it. That and I read recently that a sneeze causes the sensation of 1/8th of an orgasm. You heard right! I read it, it must be true. So by that calculation... which, by the way, how does one measure that you experience "0.125" of a sexual climax, anyway? And who are these horny math geeks?! ...but by that estimation, I, Intern Dave, had about 89 big O's last week!

Now that's lookin' at the brightside.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Intern Insight...

Well they tried again, and I had to strike down yet another attempt at Intern intellect! Today I unleashed a forceful blow of mindpower to the listeners of the DeBellaware Valley... and as it stands: ID-2, General Pop.-0! Perhaps it should be "IQ"...hmmm... eh, I'll wait til 3 in a row. Then I'll make the switch. Yes, I, Intern Dave prevailed once again this morning; hard to believe for some, easy to understand for others.

And if you are sitting there saying "Ha! This kid's a real piece of work... brains my ass... after that Yoohoo answer. Puh!" Well, all I have to say to you is... "like a cat with a mouse". I'm toyin' just with 'em! Gotta make it dramatic, why not give the listener a head start?!

Actually, ok, maybe you have a point. I want to come clean. So to give you a clearer picture of what goes on in my mind, I dug up a specialized miniature super-camera snapshot that was taken during a personal neurological exam. This is actual footage of what is happening in my mind at all times...

Yes, a fusion of genius in a stormtrooper outfit, balanced with a little not-so-genius, some say "delightfully absent-minded" mix, all being monitored by a small Asian man in my frontal lobe. Welcome to my world. It's really not that bad...

Anyway, what can I say? All I know is the Phillies keep winning when I do... and they are playing the Royals next week. So PLEASE, just try me! I'm right here waiting!

Don't forget to wear your sunblock. Peace.